In regards to education, I feel that I am getting both more idealistic than I used to be, and more pessimistic than I used to be, at the same time.

I have all these things that I want to happen. So many idealized scenarios that could happen in a classroom given the right circumstances. Given teacher desire and student willingness. And then I look at what's really happening in the schools. I see the lack of funding (the PE teacher here has to run around between three different schools. And they're lucky that they even have a PE teacher), hear stories of administrators who are frighteningly similar to Principal Snyder (a la Buffy the Vampire Slayer - a principal who just didn't seem to care about the students or the teachers). I hear about teachers who love teaching and love their students, but cannot stand to continue working in public schools because of the bureaucracy.

And this literally scares me. The future of our country. There are wonderful teachers out there, young teachers full of idealism who want to help and change the world. Older teachers who have the background knowledge and years of experience to be great. And yet these teachers who want to change it all, want to create thinking human beings to live in and create a better world tomorrow, so many of them cannot stand the ridiculous rules, the insane amounts of testing that take away from class time, and the administration that cannot seem to show that they care what happens to the teachers or the students.

I'm afraid that when I'm out there, a teacher, it will all be worse. I don't know if it actually has been getting progressively worse, or it just seems that way since I'm new to learning about educational issues. But if it is getting worse and worse, what will it be like in two years when I'm out there? Will I be able to stand the bureaucracy and work around the endless standards and standardized tests to teach children to think like the intelligent human beings they are?

I really don't know if I'll be able to do it all. And that really scares me.

Random High School Memory (I don't know where it came from, but here it is):

In the middle of my freshman World History class one day, the teacher stopped, and sniffed the air. She thought she smelled someone smoking pot in the hallway. She went outside, looked around, came back into the room, and continued teaching.

I have no idea why that memory just jumped into my head. But -poof!- there it was.