I'm a college student in the good old midwest.

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I like to procrastinate. I do so by reading these blogs:

Anyone's Any
Blue Goo Ate My Mom
Gaper's Block
In Passing
Incoherent Babblings of Me
Love Many Things
Maybe Tomorrow
Mighty Girl
Spastic Yak
Weblog Wannabe
and her livejournal

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Blogathon 2002 Archives
Blogathon 2003 Archives


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Wednesday, February 04, 2004

I was skipping back to my room. I felt self-conscious about it though, so I kept stopping to look around and make sure no one was watching. Then I began skipping again. All the sudden, I stopped. There were people running down the sidewalk toward me. Were they naked? No, it was cold out. There was 6 inches or so of snow on the ground. Wait, yes. They were naked. I began walking again and was passed by 6 or 7 entirely naked people running though the cold at about 10:30pm.

I then commenced my skipping. After all, if they could run naked without any inhibitions, I could definitely skip fully clothed.

Posted by Serene Chaos at 10:45:00 PM °°°

Ah-ha!!!! I figured it out!!!

So, way back in [some month last fall] the 4th episode of the 2nd season of Everwood was aired. East Meets West, it was called. At the end of the episode, you hear Ephram reading a paper he wrote for English class about change. The paper sounded really familiar to me. And I really liked it. And it made me fall in love with Ephram for about the 8th time.

Well, I was just looking in my archives, because I read The Metamorphosis last year, and referred to it in the last post. In my archives I found the paper I wrote for English class last year about The Metamorphosis. And it sounds very similar to Ephram's paper on his Inability To Change. The way I read my paper in my head, is the same way Ephram read his paper out loud. And, well, they're both about change.

"You may have a sense that something is happening, but you don’t really perceive a noticeable difference until much later. Similarly, if you are an observer watching change occur in someone else, you are much too absorbed in your own life and problems and changes to notice anyone else’s transformation." - Me

"When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really, really close. Which, thank God, they never do." - Ephram

Wow. Creepy, huh. Especially at 1:52AM when I'm over tired, hyped on caffeine, and not recognizing my own face.

Posted by Serene Chaos at 1:53:00 AM °°°

So I just took a shower (exciting, I know). And I looked in the mirror, and my face looks different. I didn't recognize myself. I can't figure out why I look different. I thought maybe it was that my hair was wet and uncombed, but it's always wet and uncombed when I get out of the shower. I don't know what it is. It was weird. I keep looking at myself in the mirror now, trying to pinpoint it. And it's kind of scary - you're supposed to recognize your face. You see it every time you look in the mirror (and for a teenage female, you better believe that's a lot). My face looks somehow, rounder, and wider. Not wider cheek to cheek. Wider back of head to nose. And my eyes look different. I don't understand it.

I'll look again in the morning, maybe it will have gone back to normal. Maybe I'll wake up and be a beetle. Who knows.

Posted by Serene Chaos at 1:34:00 AM °°°

I'm entertaining myself by being very sarcastic in my annotations of my education reading. It's fun! I've been doing schoolwork non-stop since 8:00 this morning! Wheeeeee!!! Coffee and string cheese are good together. It's cold out and I don't want to go back to my room because it's far away. But I'm at the library and it's going to close soon.

Posted by Serene Chaos at 12:29:00 AM °°°

Monday, February 02, 2004

This is long. And probably very boring. I'm sorry.

It’s Monday. I hate Mondays. Maybe I just hate today. I don’t know.

When I woke up it was okay, I think. I had done laundry last night, and one pair of pants and a sweatshirt dried, so I had clothes to wear. I went to breakfast, had yogurt and cantaloupe like I do every day. I also had this pink tea that I have taken to liking (I think it’s cranberry apple or something) and the top of a banana muffin.

Then I went to psychology, and I just got into a grouchy mood. We didn’t do anything too interesting. We learned about…I actually have no recollection whatsoever. Oh yeah, it was motivation. Which was pretty much the opposite of the theme of my day. We did a worksheet analyzing peoples’ motivations toward being anorexic or bulimic, which is always an exciting topic for 8:00 in the morning.

Then I went and sat at a table in the hall of the science building and did homework for two hours. I actually completed both my education homework and my statistics reading, but forgot my Spanish book in my room, so didn’t get to work on that. I took a break halfway through and ran to the forum to get some coffee.

It was snowing. Did I mention that before? It’s been snowing for three days, I think. Two at least. Which, sadly, means that it has warmed up substantially. So, I left my jacket and books and stuff at my table and ran to get a coffee. I came back and finished the education work. Then I went to statistics.

I hate statistics. (Recurring theme there.) I don’t understand how it can be so universally hard to teach! Last year, both my statistics teachers (one went on maternity leave halfway through the year) could not teach the subject. This year, my professor for statistics is even worse. I don’t get it! He’s a professor! He has a doctorate in something (psychology, I think). He’s a smart guy. But he cannot teach statistics. I tried just not listening, because he was confusing me. And I wasn’t yet confused. I still understood everything. So, while not paying attention (and writing myself messages on my calculator), he said some stuff. Then he proceeded to give a pop quiz on what he had just said. So, I did badly on that quiz. Just sitting there, watching him confuse me, and himself (Stats Prof: “This is the answer, wait, no… this is. Wait, no, you have to do it like this…er, no… I’ll get back to you tomorrow,”) puts me in a bad mood.

Then I came back to my room to enjoy a veggie burger. That veggie burger was the only redeeming quality of the entire day so far. That sounds really bad, it’s sadly true at the moment. One of my roommates kept asking me to help her burn a CD. I didn’t want to help her burn a CD. I wanted to eat my veggie burger and read my email and do my Spanish homework. I tried to help her. When I told her what to do, she didn’t believe me. I told her a different way to do it. She still didn’t believe me.


Then, I started my Spanish homework. My other roommate came into the room, and started eating lunch. She was chomping really loudly on her food and it was driving me crazy. I put my earphones on to listen to music. The music distracted me. I rearranged a few songs on my computer. I did my Spanish homework. I ran out of time. I had only done one and half questions of my Spanish homework. Oh well, she never collects it anyway, it’s just to enhance class discussion. (Do note though, that I spent two and a half hours on Saturday reading the Spanish reading. So it’s not like I blew off the assignment.)

Then I went to Spanish. Have I said how stupid I feel every time I walk into the Spanish room? Everyone else seems to know what’s going on. They understand the book without taking two hours to read ten pages. They can just burst out talking in class. They interrupt each other. In Spanish! I talk two times each class. I make myself talk at least two times. So, I talked once, and made sense. The second time, I made no sense at all. While I was talking, I could tell I wasn’t making sense. I didn’t now how to say what I was trying to say. I didn’t really even know how to say it in English, so it wasn’t even just a language problem. I finally got through with that. Then, my professor asked us to hand in our homework. She would only look at the last question. Great. I work so hard to have her see how much I try in that class, and the one time she collects homework I don’t have it.

Then I went to education, which was uneventful, but I was already in a bad mood, so the class was kind of ruined for no reason. And the professor didn’t collect the homework, which I did do.

Then, I got this huge craving for a Slim-Fast bar. I don’t know why. I don’t particularly like Slim-Fast bars. I just really really wanted one. So I decided to forge the snow and go to the grocery store to get some Slim-Fast bars. The town of [---town] apparently doesn’t plow or salt the streets or sidewalks. And I was wearing terry-cloth pants, which are long and rub on the ground. My pants had been damp all day, but they just got soggier and soggier as I walked to grocery store. So I get to the grocery store, and they don’t have any Slim-Fast products. I walked up and down every isle three times, thinking maybe I missed them. I didn’t, they weren’t there. Then I went back to the bread isle to look for some low point bread (I’m pretending to do Weight Watchers – counting points and stuff. I like feeling in control of what I’m eating, and the WW helps me do that. No meetings though. Those cost money.) They had some hamburger buns that said they were light. I bought them. (And I just checked the pointage and they are only one point! This just tied with the veggie burger for the best things that happened today!)

I then decided to go to this other grocery store a little farther away. I started walking. I decided not to bother. I started walking back. I decided to go. I started walking. I got there. They had no Slim-Fast products. I don’t get it! Does no one in the entire town of [---town] want to eat health?! I decided I would walk two miles to the other grocery store. I started walking. I decided not to walk to the other grocery store. I started walking back. I decided to go to the other grocery store. I started walking. I realized it was already 4:30, it was cold out, it was snowing, it would take a long time to get there and back, and they probably wouldn’t even have what I wanted. I started walking back to my dorm.

I checked my mailbox on the way there. I had no mail. Darn.

I got to my room and I was cold and soggy and wanted a Slim-Fast bar that I don’t even really like. I sat down at my desk and listened to Sarah McLachlan music. My roommate (the one who wanted to burn a CD) kept clearing her throat and making other noises that just irritated me because I was in an irritable mood. I turned the music up louder. I could still hear her. I turned it up as high as it would go. Good, I couldn’t hear her anymore. Except when the songs changed.

Posted by Serene Chaos at 6:56:00 PM °°°