So, my birthday was supposed to be really good. At midnight one of my roommates gave me flowers and a sticky hand. Another roommate gave me a Lizzie McGuire Calendar
(mockingly, but still, it was a cute idea). Everywhere I went people wished me a happy birthday. It was great. Later in the day, someone gave me a Spanish Magnetic Poetry
set (again, jokingly because she knows how much I have a love-hate relationship with Spanish class). Someone else gave me a stuffed cow in a cow bag with cow candy (we have this ongoing joke about cows mooing. Really, that's all there is to it. It's no more interesting or complex than that). My mom and grandma both sent me packages full of fun stuff. More people wished me happy birthday. I was surprised with this cake:
I was taken out to dinner the next night. More people wished me happy birthday. Everyone was super nice. My teacher changed the due date for our paper (not because of my birthday, but it was a good part of the day). It was a funtwo days.
I got a whole slew of instant messages and emails from friends wishing me a happy birthday.
But, two of my best friends did not even message me to say hi. They left nothing in their away messages. They said nothing. They didn't call or email. And for some reason, that just really made me...sad? I don't really like birthdays - I don't like all the attention on me. But they are two of my best friends who I have known since elementary school. We always celebrate each others' birthdays. In junior high and high school by decorating each others' lockers. Sometimes having parties. Telling each other that we were thinking of them on their birthday. All I wanted was for them to IM me and say "Happy birthday [R]". Nothing more than that. I just wanted an acknowledgment. And I got nothing. And at first I thought it was anger, but then I realized it was hurt that I was feeling. I was upset And I don't know why
it's getting to me so much. But it is. And now as I think about it even more I feel like it really is turning into anger. And that is an emotion I don't feel very often. I don't like feeling angry, and things usually don't anger me. But, like usual, it is the little things that are irking me. And I can't let it go. I want to, but I just keep thinking about it. One of these people, I saw wish someone else a happy birthday in her away message the next day and that just added more hurt to the what I was already feeling. And I know it's such a petty thing. Especially since I don't particularly like
birthdays. But I just wanted to know they were thinking of me. That they still remembered I existed. And I don't want to still feel bitter when I see them next. I want to be happy. But I'm afraid that I am going to. And after all the years that we've been friends I have never been mad at either of them. Why should it be over something like this? Something that, in the long run, does not matter at all. Why should the one time I get mad be over one short phrase that I don't particularly enjoy hearing anyway?
Posted by Serene Chaos at 10:38:00 PM